I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
