Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
bring money and cleavage
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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