um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
