I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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