some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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