i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
