Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
