i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
