Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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