i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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