Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
