It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
