I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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