we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
