his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
