Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
