you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
