I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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