break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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