Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
