My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
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My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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