i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i drank out of a bidet.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
