wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
