She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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