Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize