Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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