Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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