apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
