Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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