forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think my vagina is haunted
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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