September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
