I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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