They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
