if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
