im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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