I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
