and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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