if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
