So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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