Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
