I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
