when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
