ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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