Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
