I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
