My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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