I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my being single is dangerous.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
