She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
