I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
