Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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