It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
