I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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