I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He passed out mid-signature
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
