did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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