I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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