i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
