help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
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