she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
