having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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