i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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