my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
