No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
