hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
