I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
